Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
