john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
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Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
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We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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