You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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