I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
