i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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