so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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