Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
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