we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
