I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
