Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
