I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
