Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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