I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
