Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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