Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
