If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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