I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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