I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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