That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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