Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
