In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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