Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
even my farts smell like vagina
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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