Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
