We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
