fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Randomize
