those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
