As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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