If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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