I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
