I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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