don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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