if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
