I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
farters have to be the big spoon...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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