Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
this boner is exhausting
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
