This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
