You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wish I only lived at night.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
