Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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