Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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