I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
