Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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