I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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