What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
