Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
