I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
