I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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