i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I want her autograph on my taint
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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