new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
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ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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