Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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