I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
