Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
