What did we do last night that was yellow?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
