I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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