hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
