I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
