Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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