Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
