And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
