Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
