I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
