Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
