My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
